Overheard - thoughts of a hiring manager
McCrabby, who used to be a hiring manager when he had his own company for 15 years, was in an office last week and overheard two Cheatem & Sons hiring managers discussing their latest job opening. It was time to advertise for a new position. Things have changed::
Ms. Woodenhire: Marketing has asked me to post a job for an account exec for the BILKEM line of products we came out with last year. Sales have not hit anywhere near their target.Mr. A.G. Bias: Those sales guys are worthless you know. They sell the low-hanging fruit, are always just taking clients to lunch and golf, and just spend Cheatem's money. You know, we're really lucky that the economy has hit like it has, because now when we treat these new candidates like meat, they expect it, and don't really have much to say. We just tell them we got 500 resumes and they begin to feel almost sorry for us.Ms. Woodenhire: Yeah, but they still get upset when we ignore them for weeks, or when we post a job that we're not really ready to hire for. And, don't get me started on these 50-PLUS folks, who think they still have value in the workplace. How can they not see that we can get 30-year-olds for less money? And, we don't have to put up with their "experience."Mr. A.G. Bias: I've seen some pretty lethal comments on blogs and boards about our "lack of sensitivity." HA, HA, HA.. Hey, we have jobs; I'm tired of dealing with these losers.Ms. Woodenhire: Well, at least you have a job... And, for that sales job, we won't have to pay a salary, or benefits, or expenses, or ANYTHING.. It takes a lot of pressure off when we can hire 40 people for absolutely FREE, and if two of them stick, we're doin' good. Heck, if none of them stick, we just run another ad, and we'll get 40 more. We're here for five, I mean eight, hours every day; we might as well be posting jobs, even if they don't exist. What do we care?Mr. A.G. Bias: You're right. We don't (raucous laughter between them).Ms. Woodenhire: I heard our CFO say last week that this economy is the best thing that could have happened to Cheatem and Sons. He said that we got rid of all the dead wood, doubled up jobs on people who considered themselves lucky to still be here, even with a salary cut, and we can hire people and not pay them anything because they feel lucky just to be working. Profits are going through the roof. Did you know that Cheatem even requires their sales folks to buy a laptop, and Cheatem gets a cut from that? This is turning into a sweet deal for management. It's a great time to be in business.
Mr. A.G. Bias: I'm just glad I'm not unemployed; sure would hate to go through that process.Ms. Woodenhire: Well, let's write that ad... Hmmm, let me see; how 'bout "Sales account executive needed -- large potential income for hard-working sales pro who is used to working on a performance pay plan. Benefits and expenses may be available after six months. Home office setup, computer access and reliable transportation required." That ought to get us a couple hundred resumes.
Mr. A.G. Bias: I think that's perfect. Can you believe that people will actually apply for that?
Ms. Woodenhire: Hey, they're desperate; how 'bout a cup of coffee?Mr. A.G. Bias: Love one; it's time for a break anyway.
